Mission Istanbul

I’m tired of believing in things and then being taken for a royal ride. The promos and poster of Apoorva Lakhia’s debut feature Mumbai Se Aaya Mera Dost managed to rouse my curiosity. After watching the film I vowed never to see a Lakhia film. God save us for such a world where there is an Apoorva Lakhi film! Some promises were meant to be broken albeit unknowingly but some how I have ended up watching every film of his since his debut.

I tortured myself by enduring Mission Istanbul for no real reason. There is some hidden sadist in me who just wanted to see how bad the film could be. This is the same sadist who auto piloted me to Ram Gopal Varma Ki Aag just to find out how stupid could the flick be. Mission Istanbul is a non-stop ride on the stupid side of a serious global menace called terrorism. Here there is no research and everything is loud and fast. Will someone please tell Lakhia that loud, cheesy and jarring sampled background score doesn’t make a film pacy. Imagine a scene where a character is talking about his dead wife and one showing two guys running from terrorists having the same earsplitting music.

As far as the acting is concerned Zayed Khan's longest role ever and he makes a hash out of it. I don't mind Vivek Oberoi for he tries hard. He was called great in Shootout but according to me he hammed his way through Lokhandwala. Here he tries to be restrained in the first few minutes and that could have been a yardstick for the character but watch him take off as a cocksure college senior leading Zayed. Shreya is Zayed's wife in the film and has precisely six scenes in the film and a song. She looks miscast and behaves like one. The other woman, the one called Liza Lobo, well let's just leave it there. Suneil Shetty is Suneil Shetty and the villian is someone who can play Hulk without the special effects!

If you think this is all then there is more. After a mind numbing chase sequence the character opens her car’s boot and takes out Mountain Dew. The goons finally catch up with out Dew sipping dudes; Vivek Oberoi looks at Zayed Khan and says, Darr Lag Raha Hain (Are you afraid?)…and Zayed offers the Mountain Dew answer, Darr Ke Aage Jeet Hai…(Victory after fear).

That’s not all.

The awesome threesome with the woman strutting her stuff in a tighter than tight jeans beat the crap out of the goons, who by the way are henchmen of a terrorist and come with baseball bats! There is the customary special appearance by good friend Abhishek Bachchan in an item number, which needless to say has no connection with the film. There is no hope in hell to survive this mission for whatever is left of your brain dies thanks to Amar Mohile's third-rate background music. Imagine a film set in Istanbul and there not a single trace of some local music. So much so that be it Srinagar, a love scene, a chase, a disco, a news office any place, any scene Mohile's music sounds the same.

Then there is a scene of a George Bush look alike inside Air Force One telling his people to leave India alone for they can’t attack everyone! The main villain is introduced as the head of a TV channel who wears a tuxedo to work!!!

Need I say more?

(As a matter of fact I have said more about this film at twitch film.)

Image: www.chakpak.com