No Problem

In the past one could have been forgiven for sheepishly enjoying an Anees Bazmi film like No Entry and even Welcome to some extent on the pretext of being a guilty pleasure but there is nothing, absolutely nothing that can redeem the torture called No Problem.

Centered around a diamond heist where international crook Marcos (Suneil Shetty) and his ragtag bunch of thugs that includes Sophie (Neetu Chandra) has been given the short end of the stick by a minister, No Problem has three or four parallel tracks that can’t be called a story by any stretch of imagination. Yash (Sanjay Dutt) and Raj (Akshaye Khanna) are petty thieves who rob a village bank after taking refuge in Zandulal’s (Paresh Rawal) house. Suspected of being a coconspirator in the robbery Zandulal follows them to Durban in order to clear his name. Meanwhile super idiot cop Arjun Singh (Anil Kapoor) who somehow manages to survive a wife, Kajal (Sushmita Sen), who tries to kill him every time her split personality takes over, ends up capturing Marcos who escapes only to kill the minister when he can’t recover his diamonds. Yash and Raj in order to return Zandulal’s money end up robbing the dead minister’s safe along with the diamonds so that Zandulal keeps his mouth shut about Raj’s real identity lest his marriage to Sanjana (Kangana Ranaut), who happens to be Kajal’s younger sister is stopped by her Police Commissioner father, Shakti Kapoor. This confusing nonsense is just half the story! To makes worse everyone ends up following everyone else, everyone tries to double-cross everyone else and everyone heaves a sigh of relief when a bunch of gorillas set things right.

Designed to antagonize the daylights out of the viewer, No Problem is loud, crass and lacks everything that constitutes a film right from the word go. There are a few lines that might look funny, a few sequences that might force you to throw in a chuckle or two but everything else is a big problem. The acting is miserable with producer Anil Kapoor leading the charge; Paresh Rawal, Askhaye Khanna, Sanjay Dutt, Sushmita Sen and Suniel Shetty all try to outdo each other but special mention needs to be made of Kangana Ranaut, who singularly packs in the one of the worst acting jobs you’d ever see.

There is nothing wrong with humor that, at times, is forced down one’s throat but to orchestrate an whole film around mindless premise where an entire South African village happens to speak Hindi, where just about everyone from Durban’s police commissioner to South Africa’s Mining Minister is an Indian and gorillas act like humans and humans prance around like a bunch of drunk monkeys is just not funny.

A miserable excuse of a film No Problem is best avoided. Anees Bazmi, who in the past has been credited with writing films such as Aankhen, Shola Aur Shabnam and Deewana Mastana, unapologetically makes a complete hash of No Problem. Avoid.

Image- www.getlyricz.com

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Tashan

The thing with Tashan is that no one spent time on the script. The film could have been made interestingly only if the screenplay existed. Filled with loopholes bigger than the one in ozone layer, Tashan is really a let down considering that it’s been directed by a writer and produced by someone who possesses wonderful script acumen.

The film is about everyone living life with tashan, which in the parlance of our times means style. Everyone in Tashan wears strange clothes and talks in a stranger way. The film is about Jimmy, a call center executive, who is hired by Puja to teach her boss Bhaiyaji to pass off as an angrez. The problem is that Jimmy doesn’t really have enough blood to make both ends of his body work at the same time. He falls hard for Puja who narrates a sob story of how her father owed Bhaiyaji a lot of money and now she is tired to paying back. Jimmy is convinced by her to rob Bhaiyaji’s booty and start a new life. Jimmy does that but it’s Puja who runs off living him behind. Jimmy is caught up Bhaiyaji, who summons Bachchan Pande, a recovery specialist, to hunt hi money and Puja down. Jimmy and Pande set off a la Tom & Jerry. Somewhere along the line Puja joins them and suggests that they get away with the money. Just when Pande is being smooth talked by Puja, Bhaiyaji enters the picture. He gives the woman seven days to get the money back. A road journey across the vibrant country ensues. Pande and Puja get to know that they were childhood sweethearts. Pande is told to kill Jimmy and Puja but he decides to return Bhaiyaji’s money but let the two go. Once Pande leaves, but not before Jimmy switches the money, Puja reveals how Bhaiyaji killed her father and this is all about revenge. Pissed off at being taken for a ride by just about everyone, Bhaiyaji’s wrath targets Pande. Jimmy and Puja come to save the day. Some confusion and double-crossing later, Puja kills Bhaiyaji and all ends well.

Is that all that’s wrong with Tashan?

Nope.

The acting is bad. Saif Ali Khan tries to be cool and succeeds sparingly but that’s because of who he is (off screen) and not what he does (on screen). Kareena Kapoor does the same Jab We Met bit but only with an urban sheen. If Akshay Kumar is the best thing about Tashan then Anil Kapoor is the worst. Kumar plays the small town bumpkin like an affable gorilla who looses it every once in a while. He gets the same lines as everyone else but trust Kumar to take them to a new level. Anil Kapoor on the other hand is the same Munna or Lakhan. He speaks Hindi laced with english words like a cowboy and ends up looking like an idiot. He mouths the famous Mandir sceen (aaj khush to bahut hoge) from Deewar in his Bhaiyaji hinglish style in the first half hour of the film and you know that you are in for a strange trip. Kapoor wears bad clothes; looks tired, sounds like a nut job amongst other things. After watching Tashan one can’t help but think that in front of three heavyweights- Akshay, Saif and Kareena- maybe someone new or understated would have worked better. Someone like Irrfan Khan could have really added resonance to the role but this is Yash Raj Films we are talking about!

Don’t the producers watch their films before releasing them?

This is the exact question that haunts you while you endure Tashan. The film is too long. Just because the director hit big time with the Dhoom series, he ensures that film is filled with twists and turns like some interesting road undertaken for some interesting journey to some interesting destination. Only that this road is potholed beyond repair and the end ain’t half as exciting as promised. The fact that the screenplay lacks any sense of purpose is acceptable now days as gloss can tide over any shortcoming.

Just because the film fails to divulge the slightest traces of intelligence, doesn’t make it an ode to the films 1970’s or 80’s as suggested by some people. Some wise people even called it regressive. Come on now! Tashan is plain stupid and infantile. In Tashan just because you have a mighty star-cast you can’t do stupid things and think that it works. The climax has Anil Kapoor using a water canon on Kareena, Akshay jumps his way to save her but is shot at by Kapoor but suddenly Saif Ali Khan comes on a jet ski to save the day. If this wasn’t enough then a few minutes later Anil Kapoor comes out on a cycle rickshaw with two swords on the handle to get rid of Akshay and Saif.

Much has been written about Yash Raj Films looses it’s touch, etc. but is that really the case? I don’t think so. Simply put they need to give a little more attention to things like script and less to their tashan. Start making films based on stories and not ideas. Also give Aki Nirula, the man behind the hideous costumes of Jhoom Barabar Jhoom and now Tashan, a break.

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